uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
