Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
