I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
