hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
