Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
