Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She bit a glass in half.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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