My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
