My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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