BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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