the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
