Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
