I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
