Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
