i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize