i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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