I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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