rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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