i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
