Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
