did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize