I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
