if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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