considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What a dumb baby whore.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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