Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
