it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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