We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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