I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The uberlube is also flammable
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
