Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
