My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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