did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize