who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
