Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
