I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
