im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
