Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
