i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
