Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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