i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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