areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
