her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
