More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my being single is dangerous.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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