Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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