Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize