Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
