the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
