So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
