The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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