Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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