We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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