im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
