New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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