so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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