dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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