Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
