Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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