So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
