So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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