go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize