Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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