You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
