I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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