Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
