My friends, they love my intelligence
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
