I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
