where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
