glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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